Former Iowa police officer who hit rock bottom creates group to save other first responders
Daniel Defenbaugh wanted to end his life. Now, he has dedicated his life to saving other first responders in crisis.
Daniel Defenbaugh wanted to end his life. Now, he has dedicated his life to saving other first responders in crisis.
Daniel Defenbaugh wanted to end his life. Now, he has dedicated his life to saving other first responders in crisis.
For more than a decade, Daniel Defenbaugh spent his days protecting others as an Indianola police officer. What people did not know was that he could hardly protect himself.
"I was addicted to hydrocodone pills. I am addicted to alcohol. I don't feel worthy to be a dad. I don't feel worthy to be a husband. I don't feel worthy to be a first responder," said Defenbaugh.
Defenbaugh says he developed post-traumatic stress disorder from the things he saw and experienced as an officer.
"I would feel my emotions, and one of the first things I would try to do is numb them," said Defenbaugh. "I got to a point in 2020, my life had gotten so much a mess that I decided it was time to end my life."
Defenbaugh says he went to Lake Ahquabi with a plan to end his life, but an emotional prayer pleading to God changed everything.
"I wanted to end it. It was because of Jesus I am still here today. So when I get up out of bed every day, I get to hop out of bed with hope and joy. I didn't used to do that," said Defenbaugh.
Now medically retired from his law enforcement career, Defenbaugh has created a faith-based nonprofit called 10-42 Project. The term 10-42 in law enforcement means off duty or the end of a shift.
"When I get on the radio and say 10-42, that's the time all the emotions would come flooding back," said Defenbaugh.
The 10-42 Project is a confidential peer support group for first responders and their families. So far, the organization has helped 75 first responders across the state. Many have called Defenbaugh while they are in crisis.
"My story is not unique. I am just talking about it. I went through all that. We have first responders all throughout central Iowa that are going through that every day," said Defenbaugh.
Jake Belay is a former police officer who worked for the Iowa City Police Department and then the West Des Moines Police Department. He credits the 10-42 Project for saving his life.
"By the time I met Dan, I had been really struggling about what to do about PTSD for a period of about a year and a half to two years," said Belay. "I was very adamantly opposed to entertaining any type of faith-based remedy or giving anything to God for help. What I found is that's not the only piece, but it's a very large, big piece — a very important piece."
Belay says the 10-42 Project, in addition to therapy, has helped him heal so he can be the husband and father he wants to be.
"If you're a first responder and you're not OK, you're not alone. A lot of first responders are not OK. You cannot figure it out alone. You need a team of people around you. You need people who understand because they've been through it," said Belay.
Defenbaugh says the 10-42 Project works because it's a relational support group. Praying together, going fishing and getting out in nature are activities Defenbaugh uses to bring people together. He says the power of just showing up can save lives.
"I think the organization works the way it does because we are all equals. There is no rank, there is no file, and there is no stigma of 'I am walking into a therapist's office, who is going to see me?'" said former EMT Sam Hoper.
Defenbaugh wants first responders in Iowa to know there is help available. He and his wife, Christina, record a podcast to share the organization's message.
"Our organization is come as you are. I don't care if you're broken. If you're an alcoholic, I don't care. Come as you are. There is no guilt and no shame in our organization because we understand that things can get messy. We are all humans. These uniforms mean nothing from protecting us from trauma," said Defenbaugh.
If you are a first responder who needs help, you can contact the 10-42 Project .
The nonprofit is run solely on donations. If you would like to help with its mission, you can donate .
Update: Former Indianola officer's story inspires first responders to seek help
Since his story aired yesterday, Defenbaugh said more than 30 first responders have contacted his organization for help, with some on the brink of ending their lives but now knowing there is hope.
Defenbaugh said that some of the first responders who reached out after seeing the story are asking for help for the first time in their lives. He said that is what success looks like for his organization.
He said the 10-42 Project is about generational change.
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